DEET= DUMB

To the makers of all products containing Deet,

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Not only have you given me a false sense of security that I cannot afford to have at this point of my life, but you have ruined my watch, and even tainted what was supposed to be a very special moment in my life. I wish I could show you how ¨effective¨ your product is, but all that I have to show for the layers and layers of your product that i have applied, are a body full of bites and an empty wallet. At first, I thought that I was to blame, as I had been trying to conserve the small tube of what was promised to be a miracle repellent. As time passed, I began to get more and more liberal about the layers and frequency of application. What happened, however, was not that the scary amount of bites decreased, but more obscure things, like the paint off my watch began melt away, and labels on my water bottles would disintegrate. I also developed this extreme paranoia that if I did not have deet on at all times, on all parts of my body, I was doomed to be viewed by all insects as a walking delicious Salsbury steak. There were times that I would apply and then break into cold sweats, so minutes later, I would have to apply again.

One dreadful night, I decided to take a break from all the worrying and get a beer at the bar. That was the night, where I was to choose whether I would join team Imperial, or team Salvavida. These are the two most prominent Honduran beers, and the decision of which one I would chose as my preference is something that is to be taken seriously, as it determines how people think of you. After putting the beer up to my lips, I suddenly felt my lips go numb and swallowed what I thought was a mouthful of Raid. Little did I know, I had touched my deet ridden hands to the bottle of the beer and what I thought was an innocent move of touching the bottle to my lips, turned into an hour of not being able to feel my lips and a hatred of Imperial Beer. Luck for you, makers of deet, I was able to get over it.

You, scientists who got together and determined that 34.6753% deet was the most ideal concentration and you salesmen, who conspired with the makers of these products to make innocent people like me, feel safe about leaving the confines of my room and then make me feel guilty for not putting enough on so I have to buy a new bottle every other day, are 100% to blame and this is why I do not like you.

Loveless and Bug Bitten,
Natasha